It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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