it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
