My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
