so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Less talking, more tequila
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
