If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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