i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
