Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
