Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
