Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
