We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she told me i tasted like america
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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