we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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