I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
