Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
