Define "chronic" masturbator.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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