I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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