And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
