You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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