I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
