i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
the gays at disneyland are vicious
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
