Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
