I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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