I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
