somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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