my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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