Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
where are my eyebrows?
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