i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
