if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
