I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
