ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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