I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
