Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
