i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
