um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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