drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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