how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The feeling are messing with the penis
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
