i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
