So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
