Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
