He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
