did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Duck Duck Cougar?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
