i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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