I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize