Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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