I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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