I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
