So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
