this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
