and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
