I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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