But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize