So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
