put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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