Non-Jews are for practice
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
