you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize