On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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