First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
