omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
