she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
