i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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