Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
