i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
