I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
