Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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