We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
