dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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