i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
