youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize