oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
