if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
