the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
