Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
