i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
