I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
