Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
