yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
