Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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