I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
