So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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