He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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