3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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