He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
