I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
