she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize