Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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