found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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