the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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