Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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