I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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