Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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