You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
