When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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