hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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