the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
