If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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