omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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