Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
