Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
