Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
