i used baking grease as lip gloss
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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