sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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